i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize