nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Never underestimate the power of titties
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
