I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
