he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
