I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
