Need sex. Gaining weight.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize