That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
