I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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