I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
