I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
