so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
