He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
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