Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
