we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
