living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize