I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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