It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Randomize
