well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
