Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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