this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
