Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
