she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
