Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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