Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
