I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
