I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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