How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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