4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Randomize
