I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
