Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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