is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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