This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I think my vagina is haunted
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
