yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
