can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
