I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
