I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize