bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
