people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
