Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
