I hope my margaritas pass through security.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
