I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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