Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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