Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
