Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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