Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
