When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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