I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
