He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Randomize
