plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
