it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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