this just has baby written all over it
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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