I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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