She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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