They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Boobs speak an international language.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
