Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Bang-toberfest begins!!
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
