Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
