Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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