If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
These tits shall not be calmed
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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