Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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