I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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