If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
