remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
