Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
This is classic penis vs brain.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
