Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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