oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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